In Phonsavan we found a nice hostel located next to an old airstrip. We were longing for Cheese Burgers, but the whole city was out of cheese, so we had to go with – once again – noodle soups and chicken with sticky rice.

The next morning we found something better than Stonehenge: The Plain of Jars. In the middle of a green landscape with gentle hills and rice fields, huge jars chiselled from one big stone each loom around. The site has largely been cleared from unexploded bombs (this was the most heavily bombed place between 1964 and 1973 – the USA flew 580’344 missions over Laos dropping 2 million tons of bombs – about 30% of these bombs failed to detonate. Ps: Check the picture – that is me standing in an average bomb crater). There is no special pattern about the jars’ placement nor does anyone have the slightest idea of a) how the super heavy stone jars got there and b) what these stone colossuses were used for. Also, there is no reliable way to date them. However, it looks fun, so now it is a tourist attraction. And of course, scientifics and would-like-to-be-scientifics came up with some theories:

1) They were stone coffins. 2) They were used to produce the famous and dangerous Lao-Lao whisky. 3) They were used to store rice. 4) They are of extraterristic origin.

Even though we liked theory number four, it was clear for us that we should not go for the obvious. That evening with the help of some “Beer Lao”, we came up with some other theories – make your choice:

New and better theories:
1) Imported from China in 2002 
Mr. Chen Le Sang, born in Phonsavan, opened his hostel in the year 2000 after he had saved some money and had persuaded his parents to invest in his venture. After the first year he started to think about ways on how to make a bit more money than what he got out of his small hostel. He realized that his income was mainly depending on how many tourists were visiting his town… However, tourists were coming to his small city only because of the vast amount of bombs having been dropped on it by US B-52 bombers. And not that many people are bombs crater fetishists.

One day Mr. Sang remembered a previous visitor from England who had told him about “his” Stonehenge and how tourists were attracted by mysterious and huge stones… That evening, he brainstormed with his wife Nantana...

2) Huge ash-trays

King Phonesavan, born in 512 b.c., liked his life. He had 12 nice wives (one of them could splendidly bend her body and gave him loads of pleasure), 38 strong and healthy children and a loyal army. What more could he wish for?

Nothing actually, but then again, there were days where he could he have jumped out of his skin. These were the days when there were clouds in front of the otherwise eternally shining sun. Very dark clouds.

These clouds, knew King Phonesavan, did not need to be there. They were made by his people. By his happy and often careless people. They worked well and got in the harvest in time. However, often they liked to smoke some mind-blowing tobacco commonly called Maria-Huana (a name honouring the king’s mother Maria-Hua-Nah)… The King knew the tobacco and there were moments when he liked a smoke himself. However, his people got carried away and forgot about extinguishing their smokes before dropping them on the ground. This was when his field caught fire. He had to do something in order to get rid of the dark clouds in his kingdom…


3) They are toilets!
In the year 1266 Marco Polo travelled through Asia. He often was surprised about local customs. In general, he liked what he saw and he knew that he was learning a lot. However, there was one thing he was quite sure of: the Asian squat toilets sucked.

He complaint about this to his friend Xeng-Li, a Chinese manufacturer of paper. He tried to convince Xeng-Li to produce thin and soft paper which could be used for… …you know what. Xeng-Li, a potent businessman, argued, that there was no market in Asia for a product such as “toilet paper”, since there were no toilets capable of swallowing a huge amount of poo and paper.

However, he promised to consult his brother in law, who was a famous sculpturer in the Kingdom Lao-Lao.

It took some years before he saw his brother in law again. He explained him Marco Polo’s product idea and promised his brother in law, that many more Westerners would be coming and that they would be in need of the new European style toilets. He also highlighted, that the toilets would need to be very big, since the Europeans wanted to fill them with a very thin paper he himself was about to produce… His brother in law generally trusted the business-instincts of is wife’s brother and set up a big factory back in his home town Phonsavan when he was back in Lao-Lao. The Westerners, however, came a bit too late…

4) To punish children
A rice field is one of the most peaceful places to be. The wind gently bends the fragile plants, the sunlight is broken and reflected meantime, the intense green eases the senses.
Comrade Hoh-Cho-Low loved his morning-walks through the rice fields of Phonsavan – his mind seemed to be detached from his body, he was able to dream his wildest dreams, to plan his perfect communist planet.
However, more and more often, his high-flying dream of a world where everybody was the same, wanted the same and got the same was interrupted abruptly. Some strange melodies – not possibly emerging from any natural being he had heard of – were hurting his ears. What was this? And who dared to disturb the only moment of peace an old high-ranking party member could enjoy before a long day of work?
One morning he was not dreaming. He had his binoculars (a present form Comrade Mun-Teng-Laoh) with him and was all alert. There! The unnatural, high-pitching noise! He moved around and focussed his binoculars! Children! With small plastic boxes close to their ears! From these boxes the noise must emerge!
The next day he brought along Comrade Commissar Cheng (everybody spoke of him as “Triple C”) and two of his police agents. Again they heard the noise, but this time it only took them 10 minutes before they could learn more about the unwelcome noise.
The two agents brought back 4 children. The corpus delicti were secured – the children said they were “mobile phones”.
Comrade Hoh-Cho-Low did not know about “mobile phones”, but he knew that whatever it was, it was not communistic.

For the next 6 days, he and the commissar went back to the rice field. Every morning, they caught children with devilish imperialistic communication tools. Comrade Hoh-Cho-Low was well aware of the danger these “mobile phones” represented. How easy it would be to spy on his country’s great achievements with these mobile communication devices! He also saw how attracted the children were by their “mobile phones” – once more the imperialistic devils had worked well!
There was only one way to get rid of these phones and their ugly melodies – and this was a drastic one. The children had to be thought a lesson they would never forget – a lesson, which would make them hate their mobile phones.
He asked Comrade Xuan “Stone” Buen, an old friend of his from the days fighting for their lives on the Hoh-Chi-Minh-Trail, to construct cages made of stone. In these he would put the misbehaving children for 24 hours - up-side down – and play the melodies of their “mobile phones” to them. This, he was sure, was the only way to save their souls from the evil imperialistic influence and to maintain his quite morning walks through the rice fields.

5) To cook…
…human beings. Having a competitive mind-set, the cannibals living in the region of Phansavan some 2000 years ago, set up an outdoor cooking competition…