I am not alone when being concerned about security. My brothers and sisters in spirit all seem to work at airports though. Nowadays, you cannot even carry the items you bought at the duty-free shop to the gate. Far too dangerous! And quite understandable: latest since McGyver we know that one can build a powerful bomb out of Channel No. 5 and an Ipod (however, if you decide to do so IN the plane, that seems to be less of a problem). 

Last weekend I decided to visit Marie-Eve, Julie and Marlene once again. Sure enough it was a bit cold in Montreal but after I had suffered through a ridiculous Christmas Parade in Ocean Beach at 90 degree Fahrenheit (= many degree Celsius) and in plain summer-like sunshine, it was about time to go to where the real winter takes place. More over I missed the girls. Marie-Eve in particular.

The flight to Montreal was delayed. Much delayed. I arrived at midnight but luckily a co-passenger shared a cab with me. And what the hell – I was in Montreal and I was happy to be there!

How the weekend was? Wonderful! Let the pictures speak…

But then… the flight back. United Airways has itself made a powerful new enemy. First I got questioned by US-customs on Canadian ground (do the Canadians really have to do everything their neighbour wants them to do?) for about 15 minutes. “How can you travel for more than 6 months when you don’t work?” I explained that I am awfully rich. “Are you so rich because you smuggle?” I explained that I did not smuggle that day. “Why are you staying in San Diego when you claim to travel around the world?” And so on…

My answers were not good enough. A new officer took me by the arm and off we were. Being searched for the next 15 minutes I had a lot of fun.  

I walked to the gate. “This is the last boarding call for United Airlines to Washington. Passenger Reich… hhhmm, Reichmouth, please report to the gate immediately.” I started running. Gate 36 it should be. I had just passed gate 4. I ran faster. When I arrived I was close to a heart-attack. And I had to wait in line for another 10 minutes. Fu.. you, United!

The first flight to Washington was uneventful and uncomfortable. No food, no alcohol, no film. I had to change the terminal in D.C. and was just right on time for the connecting flight. Which, so I was told, was delayed by 1 hour.

This flight was horrible. I sat in the last row next to the toilet. Other passengers tended to fall over my armrest. However, this was a 5 hours flight, so at least a film would be shown. I should mention here that I am a big fan of the in-flight entertainment systems where you can choose a movie by yourself and watch it on your own private screen. Not on United though. One screen for all has to be sufficient! And then those morons switched on NBC. A short story about heart attacks. Excellent. Another short movie about a beauty contest. Then an interview with a base-ball player. Later a show about the top-scorer in Amercian Football. Which I do know nothing about. Then, or so I assumed, the real film was about to start. Wrong! Not a film, but the “making of” the following film (which I already had seen) was shown. Then film critics made an appearance and told everyone who listened that the film (The Da Vinci Code) was crap. And then the system was shut down due to whatever technical problems. No film. 

However, it was time for dinner. When the flight attendant finally came to my row, the sandwich I had chosen was no longer available. I got a roast beef sandwich which I already had disliked on the flight to Montreal. Great.

The pilot meantime explained how sorry he was that the video system was down. He meant to entertain us “folks” with this Sunday’s football results (did I mention that I do not care about football?). This took about 5 minutes. I started to have a headache.

Well, so much about my United-experience. But let me tell you this: if you knew Julie, Marlene and Marie-Eve, you would do about anything to get to Montreal, even if you would have to fly United.